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Frodolives14
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Name: Madeleine Location: New York, United States Birthday: 2/27/1979 Gender: Female
Interests: Music, Movies, Kayaking, Writing Expertise: 1. Music, music, music!
2. Remembering details.
3. Entertaining myself and others.
4. Obsessing over something (or someone)...until I get tired of it and start obsessing about something else! Occupation: Student
Message: message me
Member Since:
6/8/2002
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| Sorry for the long absence...
It has been far too long since I last blogged. My deepest apologies to all of you in Xangaland. Here, though, is a (somewhat) brief recap of what's been happening to me...
1. I GOT A JOB!!!! A great teaching job in Indian Lake. It's about an hour and a half north of my parents' place in Corinth. Yes, it's a tiny little town in East Jesus, but it's beautiful. Unfortunately, the other music teacher, a very sweet lady who had been there for many years and was prepared to be my mentor, left to take another position, so myself and this other guy are going to have to go in fresh together. But it's all good. He's an instrumentalist, and my strength is choral, so I'm sure we'll complement each other and have a lot of fun. The other teachers I've met are totally awesome too. I'm very excited about the position.
2. I got an apartment in Indian Lake so I could be closer to where I'm teaching. Though I will have to stay at my parents' place and housesit while they attend a workshop during my first week (great timing, huh?). Anyway, though, the apartment is GORGEOUS, and I've already started setting it up. I hope to finish this week.
3. I'm getting my car back!!!! After almost 2 years of lying, hiding, deception and fear, I'm getting my car back. I finally got it registered, and, if all is going as planned, I should be going up to Potsdam with my dad and brother on Wednesday to bring it home. I'm going to make amends, pay off my debts, and put that whole period of my life behind me. Thank God.
4. I got an OA Sponsor! Actually, I have two. Jessie is helping me with my food, and I got a sponsor to help me with my step work. They are both awesome, and their help and support is essential to the success I've had so far.
So, things are looking up. I'll try to blog again soon, and I'll let you know how things work out.
Love to all,
Maddy  | | |
| Once again, stolen from Emily, who rocks...
LAYER ONE:
-- name: Maddy -- birthplace: Manhattan, NYC, NY -- current Location: Corinth, NY
LAYER TWO:
-- eye color: Medium brown -- hair color: auburn/dark brown -- height: 5'2" -- righty or lefty: righty -- zodiac sign: Pisces -- your heritage: Half Italian, half a mix of Norwegian, German, English, and French -- the shoes wore today: I'll be wearing my Reebok sandals that I live in in the summer. -- your weakness: good music, hot guys, seafood, LOTR -- your fears: I don't like to give my fears power by expressing them. -- goal you'd like to achieve: Get an OA sponsor.
LAYER THREE:
-- your most overused phrase on AIM: Yeah, I use LOL too much. -- your thoughts first waking up: God, it's 6 already?! -- your bedtime: Anywhere between 10 and midnight -- your most missed memory: Yeah, the fun of Potsdam as an undergrad
LAYER FOUR:
-- Pepsi or coke: Neither, no more soda for me. -- mcdonald's or burger king: I'm trying to stay away from fast food right now, as it is a trigger for me. -- single or group dates: both can be fun, depending on who you're with -- adidas or nike: I usually go for Nike. -- lipton ice tea or nestea: Both are too sugary for me. -- chocolate or vanilla: Neither, no more candy for me.
LAYER FIVE:
-- smoke: never. -- cuss: far too much. -- sing: all the time. -- shower everyday: yes. -- have a crush: on a certain few movie stars....  -- want to go to college: Did it, loved it, got the diploma. -- like(d) high school: Hated the people, loved learning. -- believe in yourself: not as much as I should. -- think you're attractive: no. -- think you're a health freak: no. -- get along with your parent(s): My parents are the best. -- play an instrument: Piano and flute, both reasonably well.
LAYER SIX:
in the past month... -- drank alcohol: wine at our family party. -- smoked: nope. -- done a drug: no comment. -- had sex: no, dammit. -- gone on a date: no, dammit. -- gone to the mall?: yes, the Wilton Mall, which is awesome. -- eaten an entire box of oreos: um, no. -- been on stage: Not technically, but yeah, I agree with Emily that teaching feels like being up on the stage sometimes. -- been dumped: No -- gone skating: No -- made homemade cookies: No -- gone skinnydipping: no, though I'd love to. -- dyed your hair: nope, but thought about it. -- stolen anything: no.
LAYER SEVEN:
Have you ever... -- played a game that required removal of clothing? no, though it sounds fun. -- if so, was it mixed company? see above. -- been trashed or extremely intoxicated: yes, and I was quite entertaining if I do say so myself. -- been caught "doing something": not yet.  -- been called a tease: no.
LAYER EIGHT:
-- age you hope to be married: anytime, baby, anytime! -- numbers and names of children: no kids yet... -- describe your dream wedding: one that includes my family and friends, takes place outdoors with lots of flowers, and involves everyone being barefoot. -- how do you want to die: not anytime soon! -- where you want to go to college: um, already went. -- what do you want to be when you grow up: A good music teacher. -- what country would you most like to visit: New Zealand or Italy.
LAYER NINE:
-- best eye color? I like all colors. -- best hair color? I'm into blonds right now, but that might change. -- short or long hair: On the right guy, long hair can be very cool. -- height: not too much taller than me. -- best articles of clothing: something that expresses the wearer's personality. -- best first date location: this is going to sound a little weird, but a bookstore. That way, if it doesn't work out, you can shop afterwards! -- best first kiss location: somewhere secluded and romantic.
LAYER TEN:
-- # of drugs taken illegally: I plead the 5th. -- # of people i could trust with my life: 4. -- # of CDs that i own: A lot. -- # of piercings: 1 hole in each ear, though I'm considering maybe getting more. -- # of tattoos: none, yet. -- # of scars on my body: several on my arms from battles with irons. -- # of things in my past that i regret: If I bothered to count, I'd get really depressed. Suffice it to say, I've done some horrible things that I truly regret, and I'm trying to make up for them now.
Last Person Who...
-- Slept in your bed? me! -- Saw you cry? my mom -- Made you cry ? my mom -- Spent the night at your house? me. -- You shared a drink with? my family -- You went to the movies with? my whole family and my brother's new girlfriend -- Yelled at you? my mom -- Sent you an email? Yahoo mail.
Have Your Ever...
-- Said "I love you"? yes. -- Been to New York? Yes, lots, and I love it there. -- Been to Georgia? No. The South is too hot for me. -- California? no, though it would be cool to go sometime. -- Hawaii? See above. -- Mexico? No -- China? no, but my dad and brother have. -- Canada? yes, and I had a great time. -- Danced naked? only alone. -- Dreamed something really crazy and then happened the next day? no, but I've dreamed about some crazy things that have happened to me. -- Stalked someone? no.
Pick One...
-- Apples or bananas? both! -- Red or blue? red. -- Walmart or Kmart? Walmart. -- Math or English? English. -- radio or CD? Radio in the car, CDs at home. -- drawing or painting? can't do either. -- High school or college? undergrad college.
The Last Few Questions...
-- Lucky number? 4 or 14. -- Things you like in a guy? intelligence, sense of humor, nice eyes, nice smile -- Do you have a boyfriend? not at the moment. -- What do you think of ouija board? kinda freaky. -- What book are you reading now? A bunch of different things. -- What's on your mouse pad? My favorite painting, Starry Night -- Favorite board game? Scattergories, Taboo, Scrabble -- Favorite magazines? Show People, Sedona Journal of Emergence, Entertainment Weekly -- Favorite sound? music -- Worst feeling in the world? loneliness -- Do you like scary or exciting rollercoasters? some. -- How many rings before you answer? usually 1 or 2. -- Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? not anymore, though I did for a long time. -- If you could have any job you wanted, what would it be? conducting a great group of musicians. -- What are you going to do after you finish this survey? eat breakfast. -- What was the last food you ate? Pillsbury Toaster Strudel with the stupid Shrek 2 green icing. watermelon and cheese, last night.
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| It's All A Process...
Anyone in recovery has heard these words spoken over and over again, and there's a reason for that. It's true. Since starting to work the OA program about a month ago, I've had to put my own timing on hold, and trust that the right thing will happen at the right time.
I discovered about three weeks ago that eliminating sugar and caffeine from my diet would help me to feel physically better; that when I listened to my body, it had some very negative reactions to those substances. While it has been hard to not eat the candy and drink the soda that I used to, I have begun to experience some of the clearheadedness many more experienced OAers describe.
I'm working through feeling the feelings this brought up (including frustration, rage, deprivation, depression, guilt and shame), and am getting to the root of them, like peeling the layers of an onion. No longer am I lashing out at my family, beating myself up, denying the feelings, or stuffing them with food. If I honestly express them and don't try to push them away, I can work through them and continue to heal.
Having experienced this success, I have been listening to my body and paying careful attention to how I react to different foods and additives (including MSG, which gives me a HORRIBLE reaction). I am discovering the types of food that make me feel good physically and emotionally --not good in an "escaping the pain" way, but in a healthy, balanced way -- and the ones that I should cut out of my diet to live an optimal life.
I'm trying to keep to three meals a day, with one small midmorning snack and the occasional midafternoon snack to keep my blood sugar level consistant (as I have a thyroid disorder). I've still been eating rather large portions, though. And today, when my eyes were bigger than my stomach at both dinner and lunch, I ate too much. My body almost immediately reacted: I felt logey and nauseous, and my stomach hurt. I understand now that my body is trying to tell me it's ready to have smaller portions. So, that's my next step. And, as we say in program, it's one step, one day, at a time.
Good night and love to all.
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| Hey y'all...sorry it's been so long.
Things have been pretty interesting for me lately. I've started going to OA meetings, and I've begun to work the program. So far, it's been over two weeks without sugar and caffeine. I feel much better physically already, but I'm going through some SEVERE emotional withdrawals that are making me CRAZY. But it's all part of the process, and I have some really wonderful people, some new, some old, who know the program and can really help me through it. I'd love to find a sponsor, but one step at a time.
Anyway...in my current state of agida, I figured this opinion survey that Emily had on her site might be worthwhile to tackle. So enjoy!
Abortion: In my opinion, bringing an unwanted child into the world is much worse than not bringing a child into the world at all. It is also our right as women to decide what is going to happen to our unborn child, and it should not be left in the hands of politicians who will use it to further their own agendas. Too many young women are still having to seek out back-alley abortions with coat hangers because the law states that their parents have to be informed about the impending abortion. However, there are also too many irresponsible women out there who are using abortion as birth control. My solution: use a condom or keep your legs together.
Death Penalty: I'm usually Hammurabi kind of girl. You know, an eye for an eye...let the punishment fit the crime. I believe in castration for male sex offenders, for instance. However, this is one area where I don't think the punishment should necessarily fit the crime. If you kill somebody, if you take a life, I think you should spend some serious time in jail considering it. Then, you should be required to fulfill a stint in Big Brothers/Big Sisters. Heal and support a life, as a way of making amends for taking one.
Prostitution: If people want to have sex for money, let 'em. It's their own lives their ruining.
Alcohol: I think our current alcohol laws are doing a pretty decent job. People need to take responsibility for their actions and show some self control...unless they are alcoholics, in which case they should be in therapy and AA.
Marijuana: Legalize it. Tax the shit out of it, but legalize it. Regulate it, and make stricter safe driving laws, but legalize it. It's much less harmful than alcohol.
Other drugs: There are some drugs that are really very harmful and damaging, and can cause good people to do bad things. I support regulating and removing them. However, mandatory minimums are clogging our jails. Let's get people who are involved with illegal drugs into counseling and vocational programs where they can have productive and normal lives.
Gay marriage: It says in our Constitution: ALL MEN ARE CREATED EQUAL. 'Nuff said.
Smoking: My mother smoked for over 20 years. It is horribly damaging to the body. But it is incredibly addictive. I say make it harder for people to smoke. Have fewer and fewer indoor places where they can. Tax cigarettes through the roof. The harder it is, the fewer people will do it.
Drunk driving: I think our current drunk driving laws are pretty good. If you drive druink, not only could you kill yourself and others on the road, you also risk getting in BIG trouble with the law. Think before you drink.
Cloning: I think cloning is an interesting proposition. However, I do agree with Emily that there are more pressing matters. What about finding a way for a woman with no eggs to have a child that is biologically linked to her?
Racism: Racism goes hand in hand with stupidity and anger... a dangerous combination. We are all God's children.
Downloading music: Yes, definitely, pay for the music you download. The artists who create it need to eat.
The opinions expressed here are soley those of Maddy Scotto. I certainly did not mean to offend anyone, but frankly, if you don't like what I have to say, you don't have to read it. Thanks for listening! :)
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| EMILY RULES!
1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4. Write down what it says:
"...work through these issues, from the bottom up, step by step." (The Three Boxes of Life, Richard N. Bolles) 2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first?
A storage container, with my shoes in it.
3. What is the last thing you watched on TV? CNN's American Morning, this morning, with my mom. I love Soledad. 4. WITHOUT LOOKING, guess what the time is. Probably six-thirty by now. 5. Now look at the clock, what is the actual time? 6:38. Close! 6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear? The music I'm listening to (the ROTK soundtrack). 7. When did you last step outside? what were you doing? I walked from my car into the house, around 5:45 or so. 8. Before you came to this website, what did you look at? my desktop background, which features a very attractive picture of a very attractive hobbit... ;) 9. What are you wearing? black socks, blue pants, black shirt, white bra and panties, watch, earrings I made with whale tales on them.
10. Did you dream last night?
Yeah, I dreamed about work.
11. When did you last laugh? A little while ago, talking with my mom. 12. What is on the walls of the room you are in?
a bunch of random stuff: a corkboard with cards and pictures on it, a Native American drum, a necklace, a picture
13. Seen anything weird lately? I make my own weird.
14. Last movie you saw? Frida, last Saturday. It ROCKED! 15. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first? I'd pay off all my debts, and get myself a house and a car. 16. Tell me something about you that I don't know. I hate okra. 17. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do? probably try to stop people who treat other people badly. 18. Do you like to dance?
I do NOT have a dancer's body; but I do have a dancer's soul and sense of rhythm. 19. George Bush: is he a power-crazy nutcase or someone who is finally doing something that has needed to be done for years? I have two words for George Bush: YOU'RE FIRED. 20. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her? Elanor. 21. [Same question for a boy] Evan. 22. Would you ever consider living abroad?
I could be very happy in Rome or Tivoli, if I could build up my Italian. | | |
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